Okay…so here’s so I don’t forget about your Journey here…well the end of your journey anyway. I started the day off with a visit to Dr. Conrad-Forrest’s office. Daddy and I waited for over an hour to be seen. It was grueling. We finally saw an RN that I had not yet seen. She was nice enough, but insisted on setting us up with an appt to have an ultrasound to confirm your size. I argued with her that there was no way to accurately determine fetal size with a late u/s…but in the end I caved knowing we would meet you long before the appt date they settled on. (Curiously enough…as you will read later it was silly really…they were concerned you would be far too big for me to birth without complications)
Anyhow, we left the office and went home. I went to Mother’s Support Network a bit later than expected and caught the tail end of the New Mom’s group I facilitate. Everyone was so entertained that I was still carrying you, as we had all thought you would have been born at least the week before. I went home a while later to see Tosi and get her opinion on just how BIG you were going to be. The appt went fine, and Tosi actually felt you would be in the 8-9 lb range. WRONG!! We decided a pelvic exam would be a good thing, as I had been having many contractions and had actually had some spotting. She told me you were right there…just waiting to be born!! It was very encouraging. She also asked me (during the exam) if I would like her to sweep the membranes. I reluctantly agreed, as I knew this to be quite a painful procedure. I endured it for a few moments, but then kind of whined at her to stop. I wanted to meet you…but not if it meant THAT type of discomfort!! Hehe. She then explained to me the finer points of making a castor oil milkshake. I was hardly impressed, and needed quite a bit more motivating to entertain the idea.
Daddy and I were at the drug store w/in the hour to buy the castor oil!! HA! She had convinced me it would be gentle and would only work if you were ready to join us. (Boy were you!!) I walked up and down the isles looking for the "oil" and finally had to ask. I felt strangely euphoric knowing I would be meeting you soon. I also felt like everyone must know what I was about to do…big bellied woman toting 6 oz. of castor oil, and chocolate ice-cream up to the counter. I shook as I paid…and made my way back out to the family.
We eventually made it home, and daddy must have been quite excited to meet you too! He had the blender set up before I even had a chance to develop cold feet! I reluctantly plopped a couple scoops of ice-cream in, a half a banana and two ounces of the miracle oil into the pitcher. BLEND BLEND! The concoction was ready…but was I?

I sipped slowly on the elixir while reading up on my e-mails and anything else I could think of. My thoughts wandered and I found myself researching castor oil birth experiences. Not the best idea I’ve ever had. I was scared…and the milkshake was gone. Now what? I was a bit panicky, but tried not to show it. I felt like crying. But then…maybe it wouldn’t even work! Ya, maybe.
So…within a half of an hour, things were picking up. I was visiting the bathroom…and with a vengeance! Things were really "moving"! No contractions yet…but the castor oil definitely was working its way through my system. We called Aunt Heather to come and hang out with your brothers and sisters. (And a good call, it was!) Daddy and I kind of paced a bit around the house making sure everything was ready. When aunt Heather showed up, I was feeling like I just wanted to be alone. I felt so badly. I knew that I had brewed excitement in the people around me…but really wished to just be left alone. I decided Daddy and I needed to take a walk around the neighborhood. Things had "slowed" down in the potty dept, so I felt assured that a walk would be okay. So we walked…and as we walked, I was disturbed because I couldn’t find the moon! Where was it!? Two days before it had been high and full. I had hoped to meet you under a big beautiful moon. I quickly decided to re-frame my thoughts. Without a bright, overpowering moon…the stars shimmered like little diamonds above us. YES! How perfect! So we walked and walked and I barely felt a twinge. Nothing. So I started to feel defeated. And embarrassed. I was so defeated. And I couldn’t figure out how to tell everyone that you simply would not be coming that evening. When Daddy and I went home, I took comfort in the sanctuary of the bathroom. I had Daddy come and sit with me while I lay in the tub and let the hot water pound my huge belly. I wondered if the water beat like a drum…and if you liked it. It must have been nice and warm to you!
After my meditative "shower" I felt utterly exhausted. I know now it was simply the calm before the storm. I took the opportunity (as things were blissfully silent!!) to lie down. Daddy stayed with me. As I lay there, I just cried. And cried. I could hardly stop. I cried because you weren’t coming. I cried because Tosi was. I cried because Heather had. It was so silly. Daddy reassured me that everyone was there because no body wanted to miss out on meeting you. He told me over and over how important we were, you and I, and that everyone was there, or arriving, because they absolutely wanted to be apart of everything that would be happening. It was reassuring…but I don’t know if I believed the part about anything happening. Soon, Tosi called and said she was coming over. She is so tricky! She told daddy that she needed to use our bathroom, so it would be very convenient for her to come over. Really, she had been slowly making her way to Sacramento over the course of about an hour. I think she knew I needed that time alone.
So she arrived at about 10:15 pm. She came into the bedroom and sat on the ground next to daddy. She massaged my feet, which felt nice. I was worried about my feet being dry…but decided to trust that she didn’t care. We talked for a few minutes about the fact that nothing was happening. I was, however, having "Braxton Hicks" cntrx every three minutes like clockwork. They made my head hot…but that was all. Suddenly, at 10:25 BAM! I had a HORRIBLY painful contraction. I thought I had peed my pants! Tosi said it was probably my water breaking, as I hobbled out of the room to the bathroom to check.

(I am picking up this birth story now…nearly a year later. March 29, 2008)

I realized upon using the restroom that things had picked up considerably without any of us realizing it. I hadn’t wet my pants, and my water had not yet broke. However, the plug protecting you from the world has disintegrated with a vengeance EVERYWHERE in my drawers!! Ha. I hobbled back into the bedroom just as another similar contraction grabbed hold. Again, more wetness. Maybe there was a slow amniotic leak. I just couldn’t tell you. Things picked up so drastically from here on out. Tosi was taken quite by surprise and I remember her asking Daddy if the intensity had been like this at all before she showed up. I was a bit scared…but also excited. Confused too.
So I continued to labor like this. Contractions were now approx 2 minutes apart or so. With every one, I would run into the bathroom convinced I needed to use the restroom again. I eventually (probably after just a few) would not even leave the bathroom. I would have the surges, hobble from the sink to the toilet, attempt to sit down, freak out about the pressure/pain, stand up and moan. Fun times, really. The moans went from desperate to deliberate…and it was at this point that Tosi was running around the house, leaving me to get to business. She came in the bathroom and suggested I go out to the family room to relax on the sofa. Realizing that these midwives don’t usually recommend sitting down to help labor, I can see she was trying to buy some time. I refused the family room, but agreed to try and lay back on the bed in my bedroom. As I made it to the bed, I had the most atrocious contraction, accompanied by such extreme pressure. I demanded Daddy get me out of bed immediately, as I was convinced I was about to have an accident on my clean sheets! So I made it to the bathroom (the master, which has a lower toilet, ugh!) and as I went to sit, realized there was no way that was the appropriate thing to do! I screamed out with such force. A nice big, powerful, full of control, gloriously Goddess- like voice! "NO! I AM NOTTT READY FOR THIS NOW! NOT NOW!! STOP NOW!!" And it did. The contraction ceased. I was so…stunned. I had done that. I had taken complete control over what I thought was an uncontrollable situation. As I began to doubt I had actually ceased the surges, I began to feel the familiar tightening. So I did it again. "STOP NOW!" And they did! At this point, Daddy has been running around closing windows for fear the neighbors would be alarmed at the powerful demands I was setting. Tosi came in; I think well knowing things were escalating quickly. So I turned on her! Haha. "I WANT MY WATER NOWWWW!". She said that I could go jump in, but the tub was only beginning to be filled. I ran like a madwoman to my destination! I jumped in to discover… HOT!! It sucked. They had only begun to get the cool water added. I asked for the fill hose. I had, at some point in the ½ hour before, made sure I had nice hair for pictures. I now drenched every inch of myself in the frigid hose water. It felt fantastic! Then another surge. I looked to Tosi and told her I just could not do this much longer at all. She said not to worry and continued filling the tub. Aunt Heather was running back and forth with a huge stockpot trying to get enough cool water in for me to be able to submerge. Then it happened! I yelled out that I was going to poop in the birth water! My biggest concern thus far was contaminating your beautiful birth water. Tosi reassured me it was fine. Daddy watched with wonder to see if I really was! (He watched and saw the beautiful swirl of your amniotic fluid. Because of my input, however, he thought he was looking at translucent excrement!! And a weird balloon! ) I screamed out. "It’s not….it’s a headdd!" Tosi looked up from her water task, just as I completed this thought with "and a body!".
They ran to the side of the tub, and lifted you up and out for fear that you may have encountered air before water. I flipped over in time to be handed my sweet beautiful water Lily. And all it once it dawned on me. I was finished!! After just 39 minutes, you had made your journey from womb to arms. I thanked the Universe mightily. And I enjoyed your beautiful wails. You nursed almost immediately! And we were complete. Our lovely family of seven.

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Mya, mother to five beautiful children. Two born at hospital, three born at home, all born in love.